Froggy

it's enough to make me cry. but doesn't seem like that would make me feel better.

someday he will want me again. the way i want him.

i'm tired. happy thanksgiving.


i'm glad i lost all my friends.

I got a kitten. She is so fucking adorable.


I don't so much like people. Turns out i do so much like cats.

I don't trust anyone....Really. It's lame. I hate that so much has changed this year. But god its changed.

The year 2005 has been officially deemed the "Teshya does not know SHIT" year.

I still have six weeks to go....
How much fucking more can i possibly not know, or be wrong about...and need to learn about this year?

I'm working on quitting smoking cigarettes again. Yay...

And I still have high hopes of a random, quick, and painless death.

i lost all my friends in the last 48 hours. the long story is not worth posting.

today i hope to die a random, quick, and painless death...

so i'm taking zoloft and tranquilizers now. i'm much more relaxed. and i don't feel like i have to puke in the mornings. then again it's only been two days. we'll see how this goes.

it feels very nice to relax. it's been a long time.

now all i need is someone in my bed.

for now my izaboo will do.

and mushrooms are awesome. very very awesome.

i just wanna i'm so fucking pissed at so many things aubrey christie carl cherie dan and eric for being far away jess for fucking up the way i think about girls and everybody that came along and all the bullshit and everything i hate and am and what the point really is doesn't matter.

ten fifty five and here search post its stupid discs and a card holder and the green fucking walls and the loose toilet seat and the coffee shop and tmobile and boys and cats and the fuckin wind and speakers and vibrations and tylenol pm and the printer paper and the dog food and cat toys and mattress in the middle of the living room floor and the torn leather couch and i'm tired but i can't sleep because i'm tired of sleeping alone.

but fuck if anyone is worth letting into

the ice on the windows the flashing eiffel tower my alarm clock the shower head 14 flavors of body wash the hair in the drain the left overs in the fridge wrinkled clothes on top of the dryer empty lighters corn pops on the counter dishes in the sink

fires in the backyard smoking cigarettes talking about nothing learning everything admitting knowing nothing

things are cool today. did not work. slept til noon. been smokin all day. got some yard work done. hangin out with teeta and rich. but things are kind of weird with me and teeta and i'm not sure why. just a little tense and a little less funny and fun that usual. i'm not sure what the deal is. oh well. it will sort itself out. we are too much soul mates or some shit to let it bother us for too long.

i want a cat. but instead as an excellent substitute i hope to get teetas dog.

gotta go. people are waiting.

peace out...

so i slept with him and the cuddling got lame and pretty much everything stopped with that altogether.

this new shift has pretty much stopped all the hangin out with tweakers, which is a good thing.

i slept with travis again and god damn that's some good booty. and then i brought teeta with me to see him. that was hot too. crazy life i live..

hopefully i will be with travis again soon. the few hours we have spent together have been great, i believe there will be a few more.

i like my job a bit more this week. family life is peachy.

i was almost a drug dealer for a minute. but no....no i am not.

i might take temporary custody of teeta's dog scooby. he is fat and small and crazy sounding like izaboo. i think they will get along alright. we are going to have a test run week here soon. still need to bring this up to my sister.

i wish my life would just settle already so chris could move out here and he could live in my house and sleep in my bed and ride in my car and i could lay in his arms and be good to him and know that it's all going to be alright. instead i'm fucking scared of something that's usually nothing anyway.

i gotta go smoke with mom and dad. and then sleep.

so there have been some slight specifications made. but that's all really. and the cuddling still. that's nice.

love the new schedule. broke again. no surprise. jack johnson concert on the 16th woohoo.

i should not be awake now but i am. lame. should have another hour at least. lame again.

but here i am. cause laying in bed thinking about the unnecessary pain building in my stomach because my mind is racing and stressing about nothing in particular is just stupid. so i got up.

peace out for now